I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
