haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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