JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
