he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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