why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wear drunk well.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
