My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
