we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
