Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
