The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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