it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
