Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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