Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
