if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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