Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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