and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
