If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
