The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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