It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
