It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
