Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
