So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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