I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
