youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
