I bet he comes in French.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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