Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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