If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
