It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
