Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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