She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
