Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
