When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
