no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
