Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
