tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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