I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
