I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
