I wanna bring you to show and tell
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
