Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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