How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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