Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
