When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
