a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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