I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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