Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
