Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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