i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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