I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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