so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
