im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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