dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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