just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
