I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
