I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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