Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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