This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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