the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize