Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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