if only i could text you this smell
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
