At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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