Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
