You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
