just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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