I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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