38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
