yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
