I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
