Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
