if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
