Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
try to milk me bitch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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