All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
