went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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