apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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