It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
