Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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