He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize