Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
