You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
