My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
