the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
