I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
