i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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