did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
