i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The power of my boobs compel you
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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