Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
