i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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