so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
