Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I skipped work to stalk him.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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