My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
