I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
