dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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