I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
